Season 7  
Week 1

Weekly Report

Week 1 -- Fall is in the air, Gilmore Girls in on the TV, and there's still technically hope for every fantasy squad. It's the best week of the year to view your team through rose-colored glasses. If you lost, maybe your players just underperformed. One data point does not a trend make. On the other hand, if you won…this is proof that your draft strategy was sound and that you are a certified ball-knower.

Collin's Competitive Team (Collin Mantle) and Hit and Ruggs (Ronnie Suggs) came out swinging in week 1 and by virtue of their 136.32 to 134.38 matchup, have been awarded this week's Slugfest. It's a moral victory for Hit and Ruggs, as they will begin the season 0-1 but at least you participated in the best matchup. Consider this your participation trophy! Then, there's Brad's Kittle Chubb (Jon Kuchem) and Last Place Losers (Austin Subke). These two appeared to barely wake from their offseason slumber and were collectively light in the ass this week, managing a measly 99.86 and 78.56 points, respectively. It's possible that Brad's Kittle Chubb was decent -- but Last Place Losers was a proverbial anchor that sank both of these squads to Pillowfight status.

Jayden Reed was playing loose out there in week 1, putting up an impressive 33.1 points. Tua in da Stank (Parker DuMontier) is a motivator -- you can see that shine through in Jayden Reed's performance this week.

On the other hand, Javonte Williams looked soft, frightened, and unprepared for week 1. He reminded me of my Dad on December 31st, 1999 -- scared to death of impending nuclear doom and armed to the teeth. Not with guns, mind you, but a box of AA batteries and 24 cans of Donovan McNabb-branded Campbell's Chunky. Tough look for Tua in da Stank.

Last Place Losers doesn't necessarily have the worst players but they were deficient from the neck up this week. Blunders abound this week and they only capitalized on 71.8% of their possible points. They've got potential but they need to lock in mentally.

Sure, one week of data isn't a lot to base power rankings off of. But that didn't stop nearly every website from giving draft grades out before a single snap, so I'm feeling pretty solid about this. Could I caveat this to death and say that there's still many weeks left and this isn't a good indicator of things to come? Sure. But that would be gutless. Like Last Place Losers . And I sure as hell don't want to be like them -- so screw it, You Are Worthy (Corey Kluesner) is the best team in this league, will likely go undefeated, and win the league this year. The rest of you might as well pack it up.