Season 7
- 2024 -
- 2024 -
Dallas, TX March, 2025 - The Fucbois on stage at Shark's Comedy Club, following the conclusion of the 2024 Punishment competition between Losers Liam Flood and Jon Kuchem
Final Score: 164.42 – 144.58
Lamary Had a Kittle Sam (Collin Mantle) def. 3 Finger Combo in da Stank (Parker DuMontier)
In a high-scoring finale that lived up to the hype, Collin Mantle capped off a dominant season with a blowout championship performance. Led by Lamar Jackson's electric 33.42 points, Lamary Had a Kittle Sam rolled to 164.42 points, the second-highest championship score in league history.
Parker DuMontier's squad, 3 Finger Combo in da Stank, entered as the 2-seed and put up a strong fight, thanks to a heroic 42.98-point outing from Joe Burrow, a valiant effort, but ultimately the Stank simply couldn’t keep up with the firepower.
Mantle earns his first WashMo title in style—finishing with the best regular-season record and sealing the deal with a 20-point championship win to bring home the trophy.
The WashMo Fantasy River Report will serve as a detailed recap of the season, with Edition 1 beginning with Season 7/2024.
Edition 1 was unveiled to league members at the Season 7 Punishment Weekend League Meeting. Two copies were printed, which were both signed by each league member. One copy was presented to the 2024 Champion Collin Mantle, and the other copy was kept by River Report editor Brian Trigg.
The loser of the Losers Bracket is determined by total score over the three-week Playoff period. Lowest total after three weeks is LOSER B.
October 16, 2024
Liam has been on an absolute heater so far through 6 weeks, garnering a success rate of 80%. We'll watch closely as he continues trying to make the league some money.
October 21, 2024
This man is a machine, outperforming even the 2019-2022 housing market. He's up 57.42% through his first 6 bets. Too bad he's probably not even taking his own advice since he lives in Missouri. Vote Yes on Prop 2, folks.
October 28, 2024
We asked Mr. Flood for 2 picks this week to account for the missed pick from Week 1, and this may have been too much pressure. While going 1 and 1 in a given week isn't bad, it's still negative money. No worries; Liam is still on a heater despite ending his 4-win streak. 6-2 is dirty work.
November 20, 2024
Liam is still well above .500 here, but he's lost some steam. We're hoping to see a bounce back for Week 12.
September 11, 2024
For the second season, WashMo Fantasy is participating in a league-wide, weekly side bet. The lowest scoring team from each week must pay the highest scoring team $10.
September 10, 2024
For the first time in league history, all 12 members decided to put an extra $10 each for the annual dues to cook up one large, season-long parlay. The members agreed on an 8-leg parlay, selecting the regular season division winners for all eight division. With $120 collectively put towards a longshot bet with +19976 odds, the league hopes to walk away with $25,095 - $2091 per person - at the end of the season.
For the most part, the league went with chalk picks, selecting the favorites for every division with exception to the AFC East (Miami Dolphins began the season with +175 odds to win the division).
The parlay will be closely monitored and tracked using the below spreadsheet. Updates are made weekly, promptly following the conclusion of Monday Night Football on ESPN.
Members are already looking forward to spending the winnings. Several are planning on taking Punishment Weekend to Mexico or on a cruise.
Corey Kluesner (Burrowing into Boobies)
Keegan Gilligan (Pierced TDs)
Liam Flood ($hit Hawks)
Cole Hamai (Lil Uzi Hurts)
Collin Mantle (Collin's Competitive Team)
Blake Straatmann (The Greatest Show on Paper)
Brian Trigg (Kroenke Trouser Snakes)
Austin Subke (Last Place Losers)
Brad Carpenter (Mission Hills Mennonites)
Jon Kuchem (Brad's Kittle Chub)
Parker DuMontier (Tua in the Stank)
Ronnie Suggs (Hit and Ruggs)
Brad Carpenter (Mission Hills Mennonites) ⬆️7
Corey Kluesner (Burrowing into Boobies) ⬇️1
Ronnie Suggs (Hit and Ruggs) ⬆️9
Liam Flood ($hit Hawks) ⬇️1
Collin Mantle (Collin's Competitive Team) 🟰
Cole Hamai (Lil Uzi Hurts) ⬇️2
Keegan Gilligan (Pierced TDs) ⬇️5
Jon Kuchem (Brad's Kittle Chub) ⬆️2
Parker DuMontier (Tua in the Stank) ⬆️2
Blake Straatmann (The Greatest Show on Paper) ⬇️4
Austin Subke (Last Place Losers) ⬇️3
Brian Trigg (Kroenke Trouser Snakes) ⬇️5
Corey Kluesner (You are Worthy) ⬆️1
Liam Flood ($hit Hawks) ⬆️2
Keegan Gilligan (Pierced TDs) ⬆️4
Blake Straatmann (The Greatest Show on Paper) ⬆️6
Collin Mantle (Collin's Competitive Team) 🟰
Jon Kuchem (Brad's Kittle Chub) ⬆️2
Cole Hamai (Lil Uzi Hurts) ⬇️1
Brad Carpenter (Mission Hills Mennonites) ⬇️7
Parker DuMontier (Tua in the Stank) 🟰
Austin Subke (Last Place Losers) ⬆️1
Ronnie Suggs (Hit and Ruggs) ⬇️8
Brian Trigg (Kroenke Trouser Snakes) 🟰
Keegan Gilligan (Pierced TDs) ⬆️2
Corey Kluesner (You are Worthy) ⬇️1
Liam Flood ($hit Hawks) ⬇️1
Blake Straatmann (The Greatest Show on Paper) 🟰
Brian Trigg (Kroenke Trouser Snakes) ⬆️7
Parker DuMontier (Tua in the Stank) ⬆️3
Ronnie Suggs (Hit and Ruggs) ⬆️4
Collin Mantle (Collin's Competitive Team) ⬇️3
Cole Hamai (Lil Uzi Hurts) ⬇️2
Brad Carpenter (Mission Hills Mennonites) ⬇️2
Austin Subke (Last Place Losers) ⬇️1
Jon Kuchem (Brad's Kittle Chub) ⬇️6
Liam Flood ($hit Hawks) ⬆️2
Corey Kluesner (You are Worthy) 🟰
Brian Trigg (Kroenke Trouser Snakes) ⬆️1
Blake Straatmann (The Greatest Show on Paper) 🟰
Parker DuMontier (Tua in the Stank) ⬆️1
Keegan Gilligan (Pierced TDs) ⬇️6
Cole Hamai (Lil Uzi Hurts) ⬆️2
Collin Mantle (Collin's Competitive Team) 🟰
Ronnie Suggs (Hit and Ruggs) ⬇️2
Brad Carpenter (Mission Hills Mennonites) 🟰
Jon Kuchem (Brad's Kittle Chub) ⬆️1
Austin Subke (Last Place Losers) ⬇️1
Corey Kluesner (You are Worthy) ⬆️1
Liam Flood ($hit Hawks) ⬇️1
Brian Trigg (Kroenke Trouser Snakes) 🟰
Parker DuMontier (3 Finger Combo in da Stank) ⬆️1
Jon Kuchem (Brad's Kittle Chub) ⬆️6
Collin Mantle (Collin's Competitive Team) ⬆️2
Austin Subke (Last Place Losers) ⬆️5
Cole Hamai (Lil Uzi Hurts) ⬇️1
Keegan Gilligan (Pierced TDs) ⬇️3
Ronnie Suggs (Hit and Ruggs) ⬇️1
Brad Carpenter (Mission Hills Mennonites) ⬇️1
Blake Straatmann (The Greatest Show on Paper) ⬇️2
***Ranking who Jon would like to see in the Stand-Up Comedy Punishment***
Austin Subke (Lt. Dan's Battleship)
Parker DuMontier (3 Finger Combo in the Stank)
Jon Kuchem (Brad's Kittle Chub)
Collin Mantle (Lamary Had a Kittle Sam)
Keegan Gilligan (Pierced TDs)
Brian Trigg (Kroenke Trouser Snakes)
Blake Straatmann (The Greatest Show on Paper)
Ronnie Suggs (Hit and Ruggs)
Liam Flood ($hit Hawks)
Corey Kluesner (You are Worthy)
Cole Hamai (Lil Uzi Hurts)
Brad Carpenter (Mission Hills Mennonites)
Brian Trigg (Kroenke Trouser Snakes) ⬆️2
Parker DuMontier (3 Finger Combo in da Stank) ⬆️2
Brad Carpenter (Mission Hills Mennonites) ⬆️8
Cole Hamai (Lil Uzi Hurts) ⬆️4
Collin Mantle (Collin's Competitive Team) ⬆️1
Blake Straatmann (The Greatest Show on Paper) ⬆️6
Corey Kluesner (You are Worthy) ⬇️6
Keegan Gilligan (Pierced TDs) ⬆️1
Ronnie Suggs (Hit and Ruggs) ⬆️1
Liam Flood ($hit Hawks) ⬇️8
Austin Subke (Last Place Losers) ⬇️4
Jon Kuchem (Brad's Kittle Chub) ⬇️7
October 22, 2024
The WashMo Fantasy Football League is thrilled to announce its annual Punishment Weekend, scheduled for March 7, 2025, in Dallas, TX. This year's event will feature both league losers performing stand-up comedy routines at a public open mic. The participant who receives the loudest applause or the most laughs will win the privilege of selecting their draft position for the next season.
Dallas was chosen by the league as the host city, securing five votes over Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City. This annual tradition not only serves as a fun excuse for everyone to come together but also promotes healthy competition and engagement throughout the season. As the league evolves, it remains committed to fostering camaraderie and spirited rivalry among its members.
What: Stand-Up Comedy
Where: Dallas, TX
When: March 8, 2025
Who: TBD
The Stand-Up Comedy punishment is designed to be a group activity that’s fun for everyone, yet embarrassing for LOSER A and LOSER B. Most punishments have forced LOSERS to compete in feats of athleticism, consumption, spice, and endurance, but this will be the first punishment designed to test the mental abilities and confidence levels of the participants. This punishment will determine which of the two league losers will be crowned the “Laughter Champion” and thus secure the privilege of choosing their draft position for the 2025 season.
Props: Props are permitted. Use them wisely to enhance your comedic performance!
Stage Presence: Contestants must not bring any other individuals on stage. Each loser will stand alone in a spotlight of their own "loser aura," emphasizing their solo journey through the world of comedy.
Content Restrictions: Participants are prohibited from discussing the reason for their presence on stage (i.e., their fantasy league loss). Keep the focus on the performance!
Preparation Required: Contestants are strongly encouraged to prepare a comedic act. Spontaneous discussions about the weather or other non-comedic topics will not suffice. A clear attempt at humor is essential to fulfill the spirit of the punishment.
Performance Duration: Each performance must last a minimum of five minutes or adhere to the time limits set forth by the venue.
Determining the Winner: The overall crowd reaction will dictate the winner of the competition. The loser who garners the most laughs and applause during their performance will be deemed the champion. In cases where crowd reaction is difficult to gauge, an unbiased third-party observer will be appointed to declare the winner. *
Failure to comply with these rules risk additional punishment of drafting a D/ST in the first round of the 2025 Draft.
Remember, this is all in good fun! Embrace your inner comedian, and may the best loser win!
* Approved via reaction vote in the #Punishment-planning channel of the league Discord, 10/10/2024
Phase I of III (from Tuesday, 8/13 11:00pm CST until Thursday, 8/15, 11:59pm CST)
The goal of Phase I is to brainstorm ideas for the 2024 Punishment. The following ideas have already been nominated:
9-9-9 Challenge - 9 beers, 9 hot dogs, consumed within the timespan of 9 innings. Good competition for two losers.
ACT/GMAT/GRE/SAT - Have to take a standardized test and score a certain level
Ass Tat - Tattoo of the league’s choosing in a location that is agreeable to the loser (I.e. covered by business clothes)
Blow Up Doll Date - Loser is required to take a blow up doll on a date to an upscale restaurant or night club.
Boys' Bar Tab - Pick up the tab for the whole group after a night out.
Chili Cookoff - Losers have to enter into a chili cook off or BBQ event and submit food to be judged.
Chopped - Losers face off in cooking competition in funny outfits. They would cook dinner for the rest of the members, with their meal being judged at the end.
Close the Yearbook - Losers must dress up in full uniform of one of their players and attend a high school football game
Frequent Flyer - Visit every single member within a given time frame. Seems difficult and expensive, but could be fun.
Highway to Hell - Get on a bus, destination of winner’s choosing, and turn right around and go back home in the next available route
Hiroshima Challenge - Loser must take Exlax and go into a hot yoga class. Must stay in the class for the entire time. Cannot leave the room.
Hot Yoga with a Twist - Loser must enter an hour long Hot Yoga class at any chain Hot Yoga studio. Loser must live stream for league to watch. Winner picks outfit.
Hooter’s Wing Challenge - Both loser’s have to go to a Hooter’s dressed up as a Hooter’s girl and have a wing eating contest. The loser who eats 30 wings the fastest “wins”.
Joey Chestnut - 76 hot dogs in one weekend. A potential spin on this could be the two losers have to combine for 76 hot dogs together, but whoever eats the most between the two is the winner of the challenge. This would have a fun "team aspect" to it, but would still encourage competition.
Open Mic Stand-Up - Details for this have yet to be hashed out, but the loser(s) would be forced on stage at an Open Mic night. Unsure how the two-loser competition could factor in, but we could cross that bridge when/if we get to it.
Outfit of the Night - Self explanatory, but the loser would have to wear an outfit of the winner's choosing. Ideally this would be to an event or a public space like a baseball game or bar.
Pan Handle - Pan handle until a specified dollar amount is achieved.
Raygun Redemption - Dress up like Raygun and do a 3 min break performance in front of the league
Phase II of III (from Friday, 9:00am CST until Sunday, 8/18, 9:59pm CST)
Phase II will take place in an additional Google Form, and consist of a multi-choice vote to narrow down our list of punishment idea nominations. Everyone will be able to vote for any and all of the nominations they'd like to see advance to the final phase.
9-9-9 Challenge - 9 beers, 9 hot dogs, consumed within the timespan of 9 innings. Good competition for two losers.
Chopped - Losers face off in cooking competition in funny outfits. They would cook dinner for the rest of the members, with their meal being judged at the end.
Open Mic Stand-Up - Details for this have yet to be hashed out, but the loser(s) would be forced on stage at an Open Mic night. Unsure how the two-loser competition could factor in, but we could cross that bridge when/if we get to it.
Phase III of III (from Sunday, 8/18, 10:00pm CST until Monday, 8/19, 8:00pm CST)
Phase III will take the top three punishment nominations from Phase II into one, final conclusion. Every member will receive one vote. The nomination that receives the most votes will be determined the Punishment for losing the 2024, Season 7, WashMo Fantasy league. In the event of a tie for the top two options, see Phase IV.
Two-Way Tie
9-9-9 Challenge - 9 beers, 9 hot dogs, consumed within the timespan of 9 innings. Good competition for two losers.
Open Mic Stand-Up - Details for this have yet to be hashed out, but the loser(s) would be forced on stage at an Open Mic night. Unsure how the two-loser competition could factor in, but we could cross that bridge when/if we get to it.
Phase IV (if necessary, completed no later than Sunday, 1/5/25, 8:00pm CST)
The top two options from Phase III will be put into a hat. Will be hosted during the Season 7 2024 Draft
Open Mic Stand-Up
August 12, 2024
Collin Mantle will officially reach Fantasy Fucboi status in 2024, filling the void left behind by Danny Widrig's departure from the league. Mantle received four separate nominations to be considered for membership before securing the necessary votes from existing league members to join as the 12th member. He was fortunate to edge out the competition which included Joe Biden, Aaron Hernandez, and Calvin Ridley.
Our analysts were unable to recover Mantle's historical fantasy records, however, through extensive crowdsourcing and data mining, we put together a plentiful scouting report.
NFL Knowledge: 8.25 out of 10
This figure will certainly scare the majority of the league. Most of our members wouldn't be able to tell you who lead the league in rushing last year, but something tells us Collin knows his way around analytics. We hear he locks in on Sundays with a Styrofoam cooler of Colt 45s and a piss jug so as not to miss any of the action.
League Participation: 7.25 out of 10
We may have jumped the gun on this metric. Mantle has been in the league for four months as of August 2024, and we've seen a total of three GroupMe responses and zero Snaps. Here's hoping he flips a switch at the start of his inaugural season.
Chill-to-Pull: 7.3 out of 10
To prevent deducing this man down to numbers on a spreadsheet, we added another figure that does just that. The ambiguity of this report was not lost on our analysts, as data points were all over the board. It seems he is a pretty cool guy, but this report may say more about the surveyed league members than Mantle himself.
With an empty trophy case but a heart full of dreams and wonder, Mantle embarks on a journey with the rest of his WashMo comrades. The league wishes Mantle the best of luck, while simultaneously wishing we still had the competition of Danny amongst our weekly standings and injury reports.