Season 7  
Week 5

Weekly Report

Like a 40-year old Aaron Rodgers, I kinda checked out this week and don’t have much to offer you in this intro. Let’s dive in. NEWS EDIT: The Jets have fired Robert Saleh. How awesome would it be to suck at your job and convince your boss's boss that it's your boss's fault? My manager is the reason I suck...you should consider firing that guy.

While they didn’t pick up a win in actual terms this week, Last Place Losers pulled a Joe Burrow and was impressive in a loss. As impressive as you can be losing. There’s two paths they can take here: pull another Joe Burrow and state the obvious by admitting “We’re not a championship team” or whine relentlessly in the group chat about their bad matchup luck. Knowing Last Place Losers , my money is on the latter. They don’t have the courage for frosted tips.

Ja'Marr Chase showed an insane amount of gall, gumption, and grit this week, putting up 41.3 points. Not normal levels of gumption, like raw dogging the commercials for horror movies during the game. I’m talking insane levels of gumption: eating Boars Head meat in 2024 with no regard for listeria or popping a Totino’s Pizza Roll into your mouth straight out of the microwave and playing Russian Roulette with a fully loaded chamber with the pizza sauce lava. Friend, that scalding hot pizza sauce lava is coming for that mushroom poppy in the back of your throat. Look out, ya nut job!

The Greatest Show on Paper manages their team as well as an NFL head coach--unfortunately, I’m referring to Sean McDermott. Nothing says ‘elite decision-making’ like trotting out your freshly conscious quarterback and letting him cut it loose three times in a row in an obvious run situation, and then losing on the final play. Very possible that he called three straight runs and Josh was still floating somewhere in between states of consciousness. It’s clear once again that something has to change with respect to the NFL’s concussion protocol. I’d recommend hiring noted Head Safety Enthusiast, actor Will Smith to lead this effort.

We’d like to use this space to let everyone know that we’ve always been fans of Pierced TD's even before their 79.14 point week 5 glow up. A wise man once said, “Back then they didn’t want me, now I’m hot, they all on me”. Not us, Pierced TD's. We’ve always believed in you and knew you would turn things around with a better week 5 performance. (Trust us, no need to go back and look at previous recaps...)