Season 7  
Week 7

Weekly Report

Matchups
Since they don’t have anything real to celebrate after this week, let’s all take a moment to appreciate the…well, not greatness…but uh…decency…of Mission Hill Mennonites's performance this week. Were they the best team in the league this week? No. Were they the best team in their matchup? Also no. But like the high school tennis team captain in the lunchroom, they were the coolest kid at the loser’s table. Shoutout to them and their 131.3 point performance which was good enough to earn them the title of Coolest Loser this week.

MVP & LVP
Lamar Jackson inspired fear this week with a monster 44.44 point performance. Not regular-old “there’s a spider in the house” fear…no, this was akin to accepting a birthday party invite in 8th grade that you didn’t realize was a pool party until it was much later. Now Olivia Valentine is gonna see my jelly rolls and lack of armpit hair. This fear leads to clouded judgement – you think, “oh, I got it! I’ll just wear my shirt into the pool. That way nobody can tell I’ve been pounding too many Totino’s Pizza Rolls for the past 12 years.” People see right through this…literally.

Management Botch
3 Finger Combo in da Stank had a rough go at it this week from a management perspective. The amount of effort and thought given here was LOW. Like John Wall coming up with his signature dance. “What if I flex but then…now hold onto your butts here…I turn around my fist and flex the other way? And then I just repeat that while smirking? Sound good?” No, it doesn’t sound good. It sounds like you were given roughly 10 seconds to come up with a dance and went with the first thought that popped into your brain. For god’s sake, do a little bit of research before next week. We only criticize because we know that you can do better, 3 Finger Combo in da Stank.

League Rankings
What can you say about someone who is trash and is living in a hellish world of their own creation? I’ll take a stab at it. Hit and Ruggs has had the WORLD against them this season. And now they have to overcome another obstacle. So I’m gonna support them. I’m gonna lift them up, and I’m gonna be there for them. Because I see the way they fight. I see the way that they work. And I know who they are as a person. That’s all I have to say to address them.