Season 7  
Week 4

Weekly Report

Much like the Jets, I did not adequately prepare for the task at hand this week. For them, it was playing a football game against a 1800s-ass team, the Broncos, that’s unaware that the forward pass has been invented.* For me, it was writing up this recap ahead of time. Let’s dive in. *My editor has let me know that perhaps not everyone is as locked in on the Broncos as I am. They had SIXTY yards of passing. And that was after starting to air it out in the second half…

The last few days have been chaotic across the sports world, with incredible games and wild finishes every day. Miami (The U Version) won on a Hail-Mary-turned-Fail-Mary on Friday night, Georgia and Alabama played the best college football game in years, the Mets won a thriller to clinch the playoffs, and The Greatest Show on Paper pulled out a nail biter against Last Place Losers in WashMo Fantasy League. All equally important, equally impressive games.

Keenan Allen was genuinely tough to watch this week, netting just 4.9 points for Collin's Competitive Team. He was like a guy who goes to the Whole Foods hot bar and gets a piece of pizza but on maneuvering the slice to fit into the box, realizes that the piece is cold. The final 10% of maneuvering the slice was with his bare hand, after he used the pizza spatula to get it 90% of the way there. You can see him agonizing, weighing his options. Does he put the piece back on the pizza tray? Can’t do that…he already touched it with his hand, and he’s not a sociopath. Could he simply explain the situation to the already-annoyed-looking Whole Foods employee behind the counter? Perhaps. But Keenan Allen did the absolute softest thing he could in this situation. Just accepted his fate and looked like Eeyore on his walk of shame to the self checkout station to knowingly purchase a cold piece of pizza from Jeffrey Bezos.

Tua in da Stank has lost the locker room. This is a full-on Robert Saleh situation – they’re arguing with their QB via the media and even worse, backing down after their employee gives them lip. I predict a players' only meeting soon – Tua in da Stank may not be in control of this team in a couple weeks. Get control of your boys.

It’s the part of the recap that You Are Worthy has been waiting for. Did they lose this week? Yes. We all saw it. And sure, if you’re the kind of person who gets hung up on pesky concepts like ‘scoring more points than your opponent’, you might say things like ‘this is as bad of a result as this week could have possibly been', ‘this will not help them in the league standings’, or even ‘lmao’. But you were the best loser, and that has to count for something. This game is 75% mental and you should feel proud for being king of the idiots this week. Carry this momentum into next week and you may even pick up a W.