Season 7  
Week 12

Weekly Report

Intro
It’s Thanksgiving Week and like most of you, I’m trying to do the least amount of work possible this week. So forgive me for the brief writeup this week – I’m mentally preparing for eating pounds of mashed potatoes. I’m locking in.

Matchups
I’ll tell you who else has mentally checked out – Kroenke Trouser Snakes. The door was ajar – this was the lowest point total of any matchup in the league, and they still couldn’t get the job done. To be fair, they were a big reason (some might say the main reason) that the combined score was so low here. You Are Worthy should have won by more than 14.58 if they wanted to avoid Pillowfight status this week. Put the pedal to the floor next time.

MVP & LVP
Kyler Murray simply did not get the job done for The Greatest Show On Paper this week, scoring just 10.3 points. This guy had the work ethic of my Roomba – after 15 minutes of mediocre work, he’s decided he’s had enough. I don’t remember telling him the job was finished and he’s scurrying his lazy ass back to the dock. This house is dirty as sin, mainly because he refuses to vacuum for more than 15 minutes without getting winded. Or he gets 5 minutes in and tells me “My brush is jammed, can you please help me?”…just do your friggin job! Worst purchase I’ve made by a country mile. On the plus side, if this is the technology behind AI, we’re all gonna be fine – I’m not worried about it at all. Apologies for the Roomba Rant™ but The Greatest Show On Paper can feel my frustration on the lack of effort here.

Management Botch
Hit and Ruggs had the managerial prowess of Aaron Rodgers running the Jets organization into the ground and immediately bailing. They could have scored 121.92 points but chose instead to score 107.52. Bold move. Like Aaron Rodgers, they may not be GM material. Imagine getting paid an ass load of money to come into an organization, completely ruin it almost immediately, and then leave. Give me that job. I can do that.

League Rankings
Despite a horrible Week 12, Kroenke Trouser Snakes is a buzzsaw. If you’re counting on picking up a win over them to get to the playoffs, you ought to kiss that dream goodbye. It’s possible that they collapse in the playoffs (our algorithm doesn’t figure out how much of a choker you are…yet) but they’ve got all the pieces in place for greatness. Don’t blow it.