Season 7  
Week 10

Weekly Report

Intro
We’re ten weeks in and the dawgs are separating themselves from the puppies. The good news is there may still be time to fix some problems your team is having. There’s a couple ways you can approach this. You could do the hard work of looking yourself in the mirror, admit your past mistakes, and try to be better moving forward. But that sounds scary and SOFT. My recommended course of action is to push everyone in your life away – including those giving you perfectly reasonable advice. If the sun is in your eyes and someone suggests wearing a hat, tell them to fuck off and that you’ve never heard a more offensive suggestion in your life. “Hey Jerry, can you pass the salt and pepper?” “We might as well set this house ablaze and demolish the rest of the neighborhood.”

Matchups
Unlike the Broncos, who at least got to experience a few fleeting moments of joy thinking they would win before Taylor Swift herself intervened with some dark magic, The Comedy Crew never had a snowball’s chance in hell against Kroenke Trouser Snakes. It’s like when I put on prescription-strength deodorant every morning – somehow I think today is gonna be different from the previous thousand times, right up until I’m mildly inconvenienced and feel that brave first bead of sweat making its fateful journey South. You were doomed from the start, The Comedy Crew.

MVP & LVP
Ja'Marr Chase was an absolute beast for Kroenke Trouser Snakes, netting 55.4 points in a monster performance. You love to have a guy willing to put it all on the line for his squad. Tua-level sacrifice for the boys. Not Tua specifically, but a guy that is willing to risk everything for a 2-6 team by attempting tackles with his head

Management Botch
Lt. Dans Battleship had a week that would make Texans OL Tytus Jones proud. They saw the possibility of scoring 109.22 points calling out to them like the Green Goblin mask. Unfortunately, much like Tytus, their ill-advised decisions left them looking like a fool with a league-low 68.9% management score – but hey, shooters shoot. You’ll get ‘em next week. Or you’ll faceplant spectacularly again. Either way, we’ll be watching!

League Rankings
Shout out to Kroenke Trouser Snakes for being the best team in the league so far this year. I didn’t bother checking their actual record – I’m not sure it matters much. I’ve pulled the numbers and this team is dominant. It’s technically possible for someone to take this title from them as the season progresses. Before you go getting inspired, I didn’t mean you, The Comedy Crew -- you're pretty much out of it at this point. I don't mean this to be cruel -- but it's time to take a step back and appreciate the rest of the NFL season for what it is. Let go of the anxiety that fantasy football is bringing you.