Season 7  
Week 8

Weekly Report

Matchups
Since they don’t have anything real to celebrate after this week, let’s all take a moment to appreciate the…well, not greatness…but uh…decency…of Mission Hill Mennonites's performance this week. Were they the best team in the league this week? No. Were they the best team in their matchup? Also no. But like the high school tennis team captain in the lunchroom, they were the coolest kid at the loser’s table. Shoutout to them and their 131.3 point performance which was good enough to earn them the title of Coolest Loser this week.

MVP & LVP
This week’s Freddy vs. Jason matchup was between 3 Finger Combo in da Stank and The Greatest Show On Paper as they faced off in a terrifying 148.44 to 145.48 battle that Mission Hill Mennonites could only peek at through their hands over their face checking the scoreboard. With only two hands, what’s the play for being terrified in a movie theater? Do you hit ‘em with the classic “plug my ears and hum as loud as possible”? You’d think yes, because you can just close your eyes, right? Rookie mistake. That light is getting through your eyelids – you want to have the silhouette of Michael Myers walking towards you burned into your brain forever? That might be worse than just opening your eyes. You gotta cover your eyes with your hands and let the audio happen to you. Congrats to 3 Finger Combo in da Stank for coming out on top of this slugfest, just like Jason (or Freddy…not sure who won, was too scared to watch the film).

Management Botch
Brad's Kittle Chubb had the judgment of Trevon Diggs speaking to a reporter this week. Could they have focused on their own game, studied more, played harder? Maybe. But that wouldn’t be nearly as fun as telling someone with a different job than you that they couldn’t do your job. It’s like when Janice from Accounting gets on me about not submitting my reimbursement paperwork on time. Who the hell do you think you are, Janice? You could never do what I do (golfing and drinking 7 beers at Chili’s with a potential client). Stay in your lane, Janice…damn. Talking about receipts….receipt deez nuts.

League Rankings
OK I fear that writing this newsletter brings out my worst tendencies…I’ve seen it get more negative as I’m going. Let’s get back on track and end on a high note. Kroenke Trouser Snakes has been a delight to watch this year, registering a league-best 5-3 record. This is the type of person who gives out King Size candy bars to the kids and ice cold Coors to the adults. Do other teams maybe have arguments for being best in the league? Perhaps. But at the end of the day, even after diving into all the stats, what ultimately matters is that W/L record. Shout out to Kroenke Trouser Snakes for consistently getting it done this year.