Season 7  
Week 14

Weekly Report

Intro
Week 14 was absolute fantasy chaos. For most leagues, it was the last week of the regular season and some teams needed a W to get into the real post season (i.e. winners bracket). RIP to those of you who needed a win this week and played against Josh Allen. Or Ja’Marr Chase. Or Jordan Addison. Oh and FYI this is the intern again as the main guy is still sidelined. Do you know how much gravy-soaked stuffing you have to eat to be sidelined for 11 days? It’s too much. Guy - get help. IMPORTANT NOTE - you can share this URL with your leaguemates! See the Copy Shareable Link button above. 

Matchups
In a pressure packed week, You Are Worthy made you all look SILLY by dropping an impressive 174.98 points. This kind of cold-blooded performance under pressure is something I could never dream of. It’s like an elite trauma surgeon working the ER. High stakes and the heart rate is steady. Impressive stuff. On the flip side you’ve got Pierced TD's coming up with a HUGE 91.36 points when they needed it most. They are like an incompetent male nurse who is so flustered trying to epipen someone they stick themselves then ask, in a hospital while wearing scrubs, if their heart rate can be too high. Yes Cole, your heart can 100% explode. You should know that.

MVP & LVP
Josh Allen was the MVP this week 57.88 points. This field is technically dynamic (we do NOT use AI for these recaps) but it has to be Josh Allen, right? I don’t care though I’m just going to talk about Josh. Dude dropped FIFTY points. Camera crews had Allen mic’d up and apparently he was tracking his fantasy stats mid game. After his 4 yard scamper got him half way to a century, mics caught him shouting an exasperated “FIFTY” like Reuben Feffer hanging out with Polly Prince trying to hold back a…. uhhh…..I don’t think I can say it…..you know. Congrats to Mission Hill Mennonites for leaving California prodigy Jared Goff on the bench with 28.02. Hope it didn't cost you a W, you nincompoop!

Management Botch
Hit and Ruggs went full New York Jets and just shat all over every decision this week. The Jets fired Robert Saleh after a 2-3 start hahaha has that ever happened in the history of football? And then they tried to act like it was performance based. Basically the equivalent of pooping your pants at a dinner party, everyone can smell it, and you just sit there and pretend like it was a dog fart, despite the dog being stowed away in the basement. Then you scurry out later that evening leaving a trail of treats you argue is actually just chunks of Nutrageous bars, not turd pellets. The Jets made the right call though. Give the old-ass, prickly (added the ly to soften it), declining, ayyeee-ooohhhh-wasss-cuhhhh QB total control.

League Rankings
You Are Worthy on the glow up this week after a 73.78 improvement from last week. When reached for comment, You Are Worthy said “It's motivation if you wonder how I did it”. Well then - mystery solved.