Season 7  
Week 2

Weekly Report

Somehow week 2 around the NFL looked even sloppier than week 1… Certain coaches appeared to not have a firm grasp of the linear nature of time itself, 2nd-grade-level-arithmetic, or some perverse combination of both. Fortunately, we all had a dose of competence watching Pierced TD's go to work this week -- Sean Payton could learn a thing or two by studying their game. (Editor's note: this writer is a Broncos fan so the disgust and disillusionment are at an all time high, don't read too much into what this guy is saying this week. He's just upset.)

Remember those NBA games from the late '90s where they couldn't get the rights to use Michael Jordan's name, so they'd just make a 'Player 99' on the Chicago Bulls with attributes absolutely juiced? Alvin Kamara was week 2's Player 99. It's not illegal to use this player but it definitely did not feel fair.

Ever get those emails from your bank that are like 'be on the lookout for these scams!' They're talking about Rachaad White. Sorry Hit and Ruggs -- you have been hoodwinked, bamboozled, led astray, run amok, and flat-out deceived by this man. Or maybe you were literally hacked which would be the only legitimate reason to have this man in your lineup. Turn on that 2-factor authentication and move on to next week. Drop this guy to waivers for an extra layer of protection.

In a stunning display of managerial ineptitude, Brad's Kittle Chubb scored just 73.3% of their possible points via their head-scratching start/sit decisions. I haven't seen management this bad since the Giants had an injured kicker and an open roster slot and opted to simply leave that slot open. It saved them $42k on one additional game check. Plus any cost associated with a Gatorade bath after a win. And if you're not using the powder in those jugs, that can get pricey. Actually, the more I'm thinking about it…the Giants might just be running a financially tight ship. If I'm the owner -- do I care if we get a Week 2 win over the DERS? Not really. We ain't winning the Super Bowl. Hell, we ain't making the playoffs. But I'm gonna remember that extra $42k when I review the balance sheet at the end of the year. That lean Gatorade powder budget line item is how I get my rocks off.

Week 2 and these fellas have found their groove. And we've been hating a lot on bad management throughout this recap, so let's give a shoutout to these managers for putting these studs into their lineups. We often don't give enough credit for people just getting out of the way of greatness. Speaking of studs, shoutout to Penny Chenery for not making Secretariat one of those horses at the carnival that 4 year olds ride around on. And for selling the rights to his junk to other horse owners. Smart management.

It's early in the season so let's not overreact. But The Greatest Show on Paper sure is trending in the right direction after putting up 48.46 more points than last week. If they keep this pace up, our proprietary machine learning algorithm suggests they will score roughly 1,000 weekly points by the end of the season. Impressive stuff.